How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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