Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
