glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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