is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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