You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
