PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
