Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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