I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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