I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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