i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
