I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
