Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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