His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and she was petting her beer can
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
