I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
