soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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