I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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