Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
