Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
