Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
