are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
