Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
