HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
