actually, I'm a sock model
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
