This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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