I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
