Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
