Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
