You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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