Banned from zoo.
Again?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
