she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
