I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
