Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
