Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
