By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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