Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
