i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
