god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
