dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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