did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we're chasing vodka with high fives
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
