he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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