There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I fill condoms, not promises.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
