i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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