So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
high people should be assigned attendants
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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