last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
