I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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