For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
we're so committed to being not committed
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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