Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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