I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
