ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
