if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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